She’s always restless,
she’s over-medicated with the kind of emotion that feels out of place.
Never give your opinion
they’ve got all the answers
follow the leader and remember where you’ve been..

So don’t leave,
its not me you know
can’t control what goes through my mind.
So stay, please understand,
I don’t mean all I said tonight.

Haven’t slept for days and my words don’t seem to come out right,
it’s just a phase that you’re gonna grow out of when you die,
and it’s alright you know, everything’s going to be just fine
is it too much to ask for some kind of ordinary life?

Two weeks clean a vague reality,
from a life time clouded, lost details of your dreams.
the words you eat, the pills you need to sleep,
are things you never think if till they’re always on your mind..

So don’t leave,
its not me you know
can’t control what goes through my mind.
So stay, please understand,
I don’t mean all I said tonight.

Haven’t slept for days and my words don’t seem to come out right,
it’s just a phase that you’re gonna grow out of when you die,
and it’s alright you know, everything’s going to be just fine
is it too much to ask for some kind of ordinary life?

Don’t leave!
it’s not me you know
can’t control what goes through my mind,
so stay please understand I don’t mean all I said tonight..

Haven’t slept for days and my words don’t seem to come out right,
it’s just a phase that you’re gonna grow out of when you die,
and it’s alright you know, everything’s going to be just fine
is it too much to ask for some kind of ordinary life?

Is it too much to ask for, some kind of ordinary life?
Is it too much to ask for, some kind of ordinary life?
Is it too much to ask for, some kind of ordinary life?

One of those weeks that seems to bring out the harsher sides of my personality and people assume because I am demanding and I am harsh with my opinions of mistakes (more so with myself than others, but harsh is harsh I suppose, no degree to measure it with) that I am this flippant emotionless rock of  a man that doesn’t feel sympathy, remorse, or even empathy for those around me and those I love.  It’s simply not the case but in this case, like all the others, perception is reality.

That sounds a little emo, but truth be told, I like the way I handle myself and I like the way I do things because people constantly come to me for advice and admittedly try to better themselves not to disappoint me. If it takes me being a hard ass that shows no emotions to get people to excel, so be it, I’m good at it. I make no apologies for who I am or how I handle myself. I’ve done enough in life to earn their respect and make my friends and family proud. I refuse to be ashamed of that.

Deep down though after a day of trying to help people, listen to them, and offer up solutions to problems, it would be nice to come home to something ordinary. This last week has been really tough for a multitude of reasons (mainly all the bad things happening to my friends) but I’ve been craving a taste of family, my family that I had for such a brief flicker, and it’s just not something I can snap my fingers, demand, or wish into existence.

The troubling part is that when I’m listening to a very old friend talk about his marriage falling apart and how I did (or I would) handle things it rehashes some old wounds. When he started rattling off her behavior patterns and got choked up at a few points about how he still loves her and wants it to work, internally, I was taken back and reliving it right along with him.

Could I show that? Fuck no. What kind of self absorbed friend would I be if I started doing that? He was there to get things off his chest, ask for advice, and generally needing a shoulder – I was not going to take an already upset man and compare “war” stories with him. I’m sure I came off as attentive but a little cold – but that’s how things work with me. If it ever comes to what he fears – after it’s all said and done – we can talk “war” stories – but until then, he just needs a venting post. Duty fulfilled.

So my venting post will be this medium. It won’t matter if I get choked up, angry, sad, happy, etc.. because before it’s posted it will be edited to as neutral as possible to simply state my point. Once edited, I’ll get it posted up, apply the social media element to it, and move on with my night. I’m cooking dinner, playing with my dog, and maybe will get in some xbox time. In any event, it’ll go on seemingly business as usual while the rest of the world wonders why I wasn’t more “sympathetic” to my friends in need.

Perception, dear friends, is reality.