So there is this common thing on the net that computer people (for lack of a better grouping term) sit at home and look at pr0n and play WoW in their mom’s basement and don’t have any requirements for a girlfriend other than the fact she has a vagina.
I’m here to debunk that – sort of 
Here is my Ideal / Would Be Nice / Acceptable trait list
|
Ideal |
Would be Nice |
Acceptable |
|
Loves Zombies Movies |
Will Watch a Zombie Movie |
Has a Vagina…Brains |
|
Likes Orbital |
Doesn’t Mind My Techno |
Has a Groovin’ Vagina |
|
Gets it when I say “Klatu Barada Nichto” |
Has heard of Bruce Campbell |
Has a Vagina That Rembers “Nichto” |
|
Understand why I get excited at “Achievement Unlocked” |
Doesn’t mind I’m 28 and still play Xbox |
Has a Vagina and the Second Controller |
|
Loves the fact that I love to cook |
Help with the dishes |
Has a Hungry Vagina |
|
Can speak LOLCat with me |
Knows what LOLCats are |
Has a LOLVagina |
|
Knows that “Photoshop” and “Google” are also verbs |
Knows what a verb is |
Has an Educated Vagina |
|
Can blog about my blog and our relationship |
Doesn’t pitch a fit if I mention her in my blog |
Has an Internet Friendly Vagina |
|
Knows that best friends have been around a lot longer than she has – sometimes we can just talk easier than the two of us |
Won’t bring it up in an argument months later |
Has an Understanding Vagina |
|
Will bring me cheesecake, brownies, or some other such treat for no reason – or if I’ve had a bad day |
If she appreciated it when I did the same for her |
Has a Sympathetic Vagina |
|
Gets my rather dry humor |
Pretends I’m funny |
Has a Laughing Vagina |
|
Understands my frustration if I get fragged by a 12 year old kid who talks junk |
Didn’t tell me “it’s just a game” |
Has a Vengeful Vagina – HEADSHOT |
|
Loves taking photographs and talking about it |
If she included me in a few |
Has a Vagina and a Camera |
|
Would travel the world with me |
And not mind me wanting to find hole in the wall places that serve real authentic local food |
Has a Vagina and a Passport |
|
Will listen to me as I ramble about Patton and WW2 |
Won’t tell me to shut up about that boring stuff |
Has a Vagina that loves America |
|
Will come visit me if I’m pulling a 15 hour day at work |
Appreciates the hours I put in at work for a better future |
Has a Vagina that will wait until I get home |
|
Enjoys Jeans, T’s, Cargo Pants, and Hoodies |
..on her too |
Has a Comfortable Vagina |
|
Supportive in my ambitions |
And doesn’t think I’m crazy for wanting to learn MuaiThai Kickboxing |
Has a Supportive Vagina |
|
Enjoys sex – not boring missionary sex (which can be good) but enjoys it to the point that I’ll end up pinned against the couch with a naked woman on top of me getting ready to make the night real interesting |
Has heard of erogenous zones and is at least curious – and likes getting oral sex |
Has a Curious Vagina |
|
Looks forward to my sappy letters and phone calls |
At least appreciates the effort |
Has a Romantic Vagina |
…so I’m not sure how much I debunked the myth – but I don’t live at home in a basement, I don’t live off Mt. Dew & Cheeto’s, I have interests outside dorkdum, and I’m a fairly nice guy to boot – but at the same time – you get me, you get the dork too.
I wish that wasn’t so hard for people to understand 
-Keith
